Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
