do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
