just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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