I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
