I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Need sex. Gaining weight.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
