Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
