I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
