My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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