so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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