Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
