just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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