grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
