my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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