I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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