please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
