I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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