I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
