I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
