Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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