I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Can Purell be used as lube?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
