I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think your dad took our porno
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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