I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
