One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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