It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
