My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
