We won't sleep together?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
