She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
