I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
