So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
