I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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