some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
