well I can't set my house on fire every night
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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