Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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