So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
