If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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