Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I am spending my child support on dildos
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
