How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
