i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
