YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
