I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This house was built for laser tag.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
