We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
