I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize
