people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You're a waste of cheezeits
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
