none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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