wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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