i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
