So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
