I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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