too bad you live with your parents still
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she told me i tasted like america
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
