I think I just saw someone hide a body.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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