Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
