ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
